The other day I was having a conversation with a Prophet (RG) friend and we were discussing some issues in the life of a Mercy co-worker. The Prophet was looking for some answers on how to interact with the Mercy in a way that would be constructive. As I was sharing my thoughts, I started thinking “well, for goodness sakes, that IS something Mercys often do!” It was one of those moments where you fully realize you have insight to share because you are painted with the exact same brush. Sigh.
You don’t have to be around a Mercy for long to see that they have a slow-burning fuse. Well, let me make an amendment to that. They have a short, quick, explosive fuse when it comes to the well-being of those they love. But when it comes to defending their own feelings or well-being, they are naturally long-suffering. They will take it and take it, and bend and flex and override their own desires, or secretly feel trodden and never express it. While their long-suffering itself is a strength and a weakness, they do eventually reach the end of it. That is the issue I want to address.
But first I need to introduce another commonly known fact about the Mercy. Stubbornness. They are not as vocally stubborn as others, perhaps, but anyone who has come up against the iron will of a Mercy knows it’s like trying to move a mountain. And this stubbornness will rear its head in a whole new way when a Mercy finally gets pushed to their limit.
One of the topics of discussion I had with the Prophet was the issue of the Mercy being stubborn and unbendable in areas that didn’t make any sense. Now, I understand that we are dealing with two different perspectives and what makes sense to the Mercy may not make sense to the Prophet. But I began to ask the Prophet about the history of their relationship. Was there any possibility that the Mercy may have felt overruled much of the time, or like they were continually bending to everyone else’s wishes, or being overlooked, etc.
Hmmmm. As a matter of fact, yes, that was indeed possible.
So, I presented the thought that perhaps the Mercy had gotten to the end of their fuse. They had drawn a line in the sand and said, “I am not bending on one more issue, or giving in one more time. I have had enough.” And out came the stubbornness to enforce the decision, a decision that was applied across the board, not on an individual basis.
When this point is reached, the Mercy is making their judgement of resistance based on emotional overload. I have done it many times. I get pushed (or I feel pushed) and pushed and finally, I say, “here it stops!” but I am not monitoring the wisdom of making a stand on that particular issue. I am responding purely to my fuse running out, and I can’t tell you how many times I have looked back and realized that was a ridiculous place to draw a line in the sand. While it was true that I needed to deal with the emotional tension, I would have been much better off to process the emotions, and then use wisdom to guide my stand, not the length of my fuse.
So this is for Mercys as well as those around them.
For the Mercys, I would strongly encourage you to monitor your fuses in high traffic areas of your life. Be aware of how close you are to running out, and how strong the urge is to just take a stand on SOMETHING. If you are getting close to that point, try to step aside and process some of those emotions, and develop a framework for making better decisions in the future. If you need to have a discussion with someone, do it. If now is the time to draw the line, do it. I am not suggesting you keep putting up with a bad situation. But I want to make the important distinction between the two motives for the decision. Use wisdom in selecting when and how and why so that the stand you make is matched to the issue at hand, instead of being randomly chosen based on your emotional state of mind.
For the non-Mercys, I would use this knowledge as a diagnostic tool, and a way to help a Mercy work back to the source. If you see a Mercy being stubborn or taking a stand on things that don’t make sense, or the timing is really off, you might approach them and explore the possibility that this is a build-up of some kind. It may have nothing much to do with the area in which their stubbornness appeared. If you can go back with them to the place where the emotions starting piling up, you may have better success resolving the issue than questioning the decision itself.
And since this is something that I have recognized many times in my own life, but have not heard articulated before, I would greatly appreciate feedback from either side of the fence!
rimoftheworld7.com 
Dear Megan,
This is a very helpful insight for me because I am taking a much needed stand in my life, and the temptation to beat myself up for not taking the stand until now (a few weeks ago, that is) is enormous. What I can say is this – for many years I looked at what I was doing wrong. I thought that if I could fix my part of the problem, then maybe everything would be ok. But of course that is impossible. So now I am holding my ground on a principle (different from the emotional stance that you describe) and it is quite a change.
I am so grateful to God for teaching me about my spirit because it would be easy as a Mercy to do this all on an emotional level. But in fact, while my soul has difficulties with this new place, my spirit is helping my soul to come into peace.
I agree that being keyed into the “here it stops” moment is important because we need to see that our ultimatum probably means we’re not doing the right thing – such as enforcing a principle. This happens a lot as a parent, btw. I can see how confusing it must be to our family and friends though, because we probably look fine until that sudden shift. Therein lies the wisdom part!
Hi Megan
I have taken a while to get back to you on this as I have been mulling it over in my mind since I read this.
Firstly because I have never in my wildest dreams considered myself to be stubborn (there goes the RG Mercy believing what they would LIKE to be the truth!), and because I of all people am always SO accommodating ….. sound familiar??
But I reach a point, I can not always predict when I will reach it when a switch is activated and that is that. I take my toys and go home, no further discussion, no room for negotiation and the scariest thing for me is that the emotion has left the relationship, not angry, not hurt, frankly not anything, except perhaps a bit of nostalgia about what was …
With much time and effort and rebuilding of trust I have managed to come back from that place to a close relationship again with a family member, but it was not easy and it required commitment from both sides to do this.
Mary-Anne, we are a bit of a contradiction in terms aren’t we? Accommodating, very. Stubborn, very. ???? Sometimes I wish we came with an owner’s manual. Your comment about the emotion leaving the relationship really struck me. I agree that is a scary place. I think, for me, some of that is how much it is an anathema to the Mercy to feel simply nothing, especially if there used to be strong emotions at one time. I really commend you for coming back from that place, because there’s really no easy road. Every brick that was laid to get there pretty much has to be dug back up.
Yes this is a great observation. I can’t pin point a specific example that is recent in my life but I know it’s true.
I think the reason I don’t have a recent example is that I avoid situations and people that I feel will keep intruding on me. Probably not the best strategy I’ve got going. Hmm. There is a lot here to think about.
Wow! Spot-on, Megan. This was SO good for me to read and it feels great to know that I’m not the only one struggling with this! Thank you so much for sharing!
I’ve sometimes wondered about my short fuse. I’m so quick to defend my loved ones or anyone I feel that is wrongly accused and not in a position to defend themselves… afterwards I think – “What was that all about?” Why can’t I just be calm about it?
The other example about the emotion leaving the relationship… For years I’ve tried to reach out to a certain family member (Prophet gifting) and really wanted a relationship with him, but nothing I tried worked – he would always react and always feels he had to defend himself and explode – even when I wasn’t accusing him. I’ve prayed for him for many years and every now and then I’ll try again to build a relationship. Then last year I suddenly realized – it’s like I don’t want to reach out anymore, I really don’t want a relationship with this family member anymore and almost don’t even feel guilty. I’m fighting to try to keep some emotions left over and praying for unconditional love, because he is just a very broken person, but I have no desire to pursue this anymore. It feels like a massive effort to me.
The other thing I’ve been thinking about… I can understand that stubborness is not good, but lately I’ve been wondering if the stubborness doesn’t help me sometimes. I’m so worried about other people’s feelings and not wanting to offend people that if I didn’t have stubborness, I wouldn’t take a stand for what I believe in?
There were beliefs that I had since small that were Godly, but friends convinced me otherwise and made me doubt myself and think they are right instead of me, because I was so easily persuaded. Many years later I realized it was actually something God put in my heart. Now it is like you say – I feel: “I am not bending on one more issue, or giving in one more time.”
However, I agree that I need to see clearly where I am drawing a line that doesn’t need to be drawn or where I must continue to draw the line. Thanks for the advice on how to handle this! I’ll be thinking and praying it through!
Hi Franzelle,
I definately hear you regarding the defense of other people we love. That doesn’t require much of any building of emotions before the fuse is out. We are built to defend others far quicker than we do ourselves. Regarding the stubbornness, I would be cautious to say across the board our stubbornness is bad. There are many cases where it is very valuable indeed. It’s just one of those strengths than can be weakness when it is focused in the wrong direction.
Megan,
I had to take alot of time to ponder my life and the many lines in the sand that I had drawn. First I had to sort through the lines for Prophet gift then Mercy. I could see the Prophet ones really easy but I couldn’t see the Mercy gift ones very well. i very much understood the dynamic of drawing a line for the Mercy gift, I just couldn’t see mine clearly. Part of it is that my Mercy gift has had tremendous wounding. There were lots of painful emotions that I have had to work through and thankfully have been for some time now. As I reexamine those time in this new light of knowing who I am, I can see where I indeed drew a line. Stubborn was and sometimes still a word to describe me. I am still emotional but am now more anchored into Father’s love and can receive truth and principle from him. I can best respond from here. I am able to be real in acknowleding my emotions, patterns, habits, behaviors, attitudes when I ask Father what are you doing here with me now? I can safely say now, i don’t trust you but I can trust Father and together we can work through this. I have several relationships that have not surivived my drawing lines in the sand.
I find that one amazing tool that has helped me and also helped me help others is to look at overwhelming emotions as a garment. I choose to take the garment off and give the garment to the Lord. It is sometimes too much for me to work throught the emotions as a whole. This helps me feel better, see clearer and proceed with dealing with the issue at hand.
Thank you for your blog Megan, I very much enjoy your writing and content.
Sonia
I only recently discovered that I am a Mercy person, thanks to my mom who also is a Mercy.
It is also true for me to draw a line in the sand and being EXTREMELY stubborn about it. However, my fuse toward people I know or am in a relationship with, is extremely long. Where I see I crumble is after an emotionally tough day. I am very stubborn and do not co-operate well with small things such as signing the security slip or supplying information people need. I brush people off whom I don’t have a relationship with. Not godly at all… This makes me feel really guilty because people do not need to bear that brunt…
Thank you for giving me words and help me to be aware of my unneeded stubbornness.
Thank you for your thoughtful, and thought-provoking, post. I totally understand what you describe as finding yourself drawing a line in the sand at a ridiculous juncture. I can relate so well to your expressed situations and descriptions.
(I had read your blog once and ordered cd’s from you and taken a full month to finally listen to them.) Ugh, can you say too much going on?
I gave them to some friends and acquaintances and then I could not recall your web address. Thank God for granting recall…I finally found you again and have bookmarked your page!
Thanks for your encouragement and laying out some of the possible perspective and action changes. Blessings, Lisa
A good topic for discussion! I am also walking through some situations where I have hit my limit.
The strength of a Mercy is listening and absorbing several layers of emotion from other people. It might take a long time to verbalize what has gone into a Mercy’s heart. They unknowingly serve as spiritual shock absorbers for those around them.
But there are limits. I have discovered this the hard way. Example: Taking on the secrets of close friends and family members and storing them in my heart. An RG Prophet recently told me that I should not do that. It is better to take those secrets to Jesus and leave them with Him rather than handle toxic matter by myself. She also advised me to teach individuals how to do this for themselves.
Reactions of anger and anxiety revealed my personal limitations. It also increased my desire to look for answers. I’m grateful for this new insight from the Prophet friend. The Holy Spirit is showing me where there is emotional backlog that needs to go. Hope this helps someone else too.
Hi Megan,
This has been helpful in helping me understand a certain Mercy person in my life 🙂 I had to chuckle…accomodating,yet stubborn. And a slow burning fuse. Thanks for the perspective.
Megan, this is SO true!!! I am encouraged to look at it through this perspective and it helps me not only understand why I do what I do – but how to improve on the things that are unrefined. I like what you said about monitoring my fuse. I will do that!!
Thanks – a million 🙂
Glad to hear that this has given some language and perspective! It does make a difference when you can act BEFORE things get messy instead of after!
Meghan,
I was sorting through a difficult stretch at work and a specific issue that arose this week. I knew there was something for me on your website. I found this blog and have been pondering it ever since. I realized that I have indeed been dealing with this very thing at work – being pushed one too many times – and it has helped me to understand the excess emotion and begin to process it. I took a stand this week in an appropriate way and it was really hard for me because I don’t enjoy conflict. Helping me to understand what has been going on inside me has helped me let go of some of my frustration and feel better about work and about myself. Thank you.
Hi Colleen,
I love God’s timing! I am glad to hear that the article gave you some language and tools for your situation.