There is a Seven Eleven near the office that I go to quite frequently. A couple of mornings ago there was a homeless man in a wheelchair sitting outside of the store. It is not unusual to see homeless people about, so I was not surprised. He did not look at me, nor did he ask for any money.
He was there again a second day, and I decided that if he was there next time, I would ask if I could buy him a cup of coffee. So, when I saw him again, I went up and said “Good Morning” and asked if he would like a hot drink. He looked at me and said he was cold and so hungry he was shaking. That I could plainly see. He didn’t want the coffee. I was a bit taken aback, but managed to switch gears fast enough and decided that I would offer him some money, since food was clearly the priority. I had $5 in my wallet, so I offered that to him and said he could probably get something from the little restaurant next to the Seven Eleven. He looked at the window where their special meals were listed and said that what I gave him wouldn’t be enough, and started to hand the money back to me.
Now I was more than taken aback. I told him that I was sure he could find something and walked into the store.
As I paid the cashier, my mind was churning over the whole exchange. I don’t claim to be the epitome of generosity. And I did approach him, so maybe he didn’t want to be bothered. Maybe I unintentionally offended him. Maybe there was a mental dynamic I did not know about. But all of that aside, what struck me the most was the lack of resourcefulness. It was true that the $5 wasn’t enough to buy one of the special meals. But what about a single item? Or what about something from the Seven Eleven? Or perhaps there was somewhere else he could go that he knew about? Five bucks could still have gotten some food in his stomach. All he could see was barriers and no opportunities.
It grieved and sobered me. There seemed to be no capacity or willingness to think of how resources could be combined differently, or broken up to achieve the same goal. The situation appeared so void of opportunity to him that he was going to give the money back to me. I wonder how much he could change his situation if he had a different perspective in this regard.
But what really hit me hard was when God shifted my perspective to think about our relationships with Him. How often do we do the exact same thing? He is, of course, infinitely more generous than I could ever be, and He knows what we need. But when we are presented with a gift from Him, how often do we refuse it because we all we can see are the barriers? How capable are we of seeing the opportunities, even if they are not what we originally wanted? How often does He turn away in frustration because we can’t see how we could use what He just gave us?
God knows far more about our lives and what we need than we ever could, and He has infinite resources at His disposal. But we don’t always understand why He didn’t give us exactly what we expected, or we may even think He is not giving us enough. Many times God gives us gifts of raw resources, and it is a son who can see the opportunities they bring.
The picture of a homeless, shivering, hungry old man trying to give me back my gift will long be a reminder of how we may sometimes appear to God. May He shine His light and show us how to grow!